(A response to a report in the Bulletin about the Cuban authorities wanting to use Majorcan expertise to help their tourist industry).

1) Ensure that every square foot of coastline is covered with high rise concrete monstrosities.

2) Once that is achieved, work inland and begin the destruction of your inner heartland.

3) Sell off locally owned property to foreigners, but complain bitterly about the loss of your heritage.

4) Once every conceivable spot has been built upon, issue a pious ban on any further development.

5) Provide limitless car hire; create pollution; then ban the car from popular places.

6) Create more wealth by charging eventually a tourist tax to save your environment.

7) Use up all your water resources as soon as possible.

8) Encourage bars and hotels to blare out pop music.

9) Sell cheap booze to tourists, and then blame tourists for drunkenness and hooliganism.

10 ) Ensure as many strikes at your airport at key points in your calendar.

This is an excellent package for success. When things go wrong, whinge like hell, wring your hands, cry crocodile tears and BLAME THE TOURIST.

Ultimately, move on and destroy other islands.

Yours
(Dr) D. G. Lewis
Sa Coma

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