Hair today gone tomorrow

Thankfully, in the grand scheme of things, our beautiful island never fails, and those golden days have now kicked in, promising heaps of sunshine for the remaining year.

However, with July now in full swing, the legs are finally out, and I must say, with lack of natural daylight and a sense of chaffing from long trousers on brisk winter walks, my normal compliment of leg hair has been compromised!

With that in mind, I cannot help but notice that complete removal of male leg hair is rapidly becoming a fashionable option. Satin smooth legs on women have always been a self-preferred option along with a popular lifestyle choice. Yet, when men shave their legs, it somehow draws attention to all the negative aspects of this modern trend, highlighting every bump, lump and knotty nodule along the way, showcasing varicose vein, and often presenting the impression of two rather gnarled tree trunks or a pair of ham hocks!

Cyclists have been shaving their limbs for years, but not as long as the ancient Egyptians who started the whole thing by removing every visible hair from their bodies with bone tweezers. Ouch! Streamlined skin on cyclists in the professional arena apparently improves performance and can knock off a millionth point of a second when it counts! However, I don’t really understand why ‘hobby’ cyclists remove all their body hair, as let’s be honest, most cyclists enjoying themselves here on the island are never going to enter a professional arena as anything other than a spectator. It simply remains that it’s just part of the ‘look’. Or maybe an Egyptian throwback! Must be terribly itchy when it grows back though?

But it’s not just cyclists, and it’s not just legs! Men everywhere in 2023 are shaving their arms, chests and anything they can reach in between. Gym culture has introduced the totally buff body, which likes to trend a smooth, sculptured torso. It looks great in magazines, but in real life is a little harder to maintain, usually resulting in unsightly stubble, spots, and nasty rashes from in-growing regrowth.

Mallorcan men are often generously dark and hirsute by nature, with plenty of eyebrow action going on; introducing another current trend amongst the younger fashionistas, elevating hair removal to stylish shaping of the monobrow! Plucked and waxed to perfection, the modern male’s eyebrows are now a work of art, yet sadly again, appear a tad unnatural, and often look as if they have been stamped or painted on. I know it’s rude to stare but I just can’t help it!

As a teenager, my older sister purchased what I can only describe as a mediaeval instrument of torture. ‘Pain free hair removal’ was what it promoted on the box! The hand-held device featured a revolving spring which ripped out any hair it came in contact with. My sister decided I was the perfect guinea pig, only she forgot to warn me, before ripping off an entire eyebrow. Why do big sisters always think that kind of thing is hilarious? And why do younger brothers always let their sisters have a second go, in this case a leg! Perhaps that’s responsible for my recurring winter bald patches?

My sister went on to permanently remove both her own eyebrows along with the Hobbit hair growing on Dad’s toes while he was quietly reading the newspaper. Needless to say, the demon ‘Epilator’ ended up in the dustbin as sis moved on to discover the wonders of ‘pain free’ waxing!

Personally, I have always been happy to simply comb my legs once a week and forego the satin sheen of the new, smoother generation. But if you are a hairless warrior then that’s fine too. Wax on. Wax off. And don’t forget to moisturize. It’s a jungle out there!