The Death Cafe: Finding solace in open conversations about mortality

The Death Cafe concept began in 2011, founded by Jon Underwood in the UK, inspired by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz’s “Café Mortels.” The idea is simple yet quite profound: people come together to discuss death over tea and cake. These informal meetings are held worldwide and aim to normalise conversations about mortality, making space for emotions, questions, and reflections that often remain unspoken in everyday life.

An evening at the Death Cafe

As I arrived at the venue near Son Espases Hospital, just outside Palma, I was met with a warm and inviting atmosphere. A small group of people gathered, some strangers, others known to me, each with their own reasons for attending. Some had recently lost a loved one; others having lost loved ones in the past and others simply curious about the topic. Glynis welcomed us with warmth, explaining that the Death Cafe is not a grief support group or a counseling session but a space for open discussion, free from judgment or agenda.

The morning unfolded organically. As we sipped tea and enjoyed slices of cake, those who wished to, shared their experiences of loss and their thoughts on the impermanence of life. One woman spoke about the recent passing of her loved one and how societal discomfort around grief made it difficult for her to express her feelings and pain. Another person reflected on how their perspective on death had evolved over the years, shifting from fear to an eventual acceptance of this natural cycle of life. Another participant discussed cultural differences in mourning practices, highlighting how some traditions embrace death as a natural part of existence rather than something to be feared. What struck me most was the sense of community in the room. For many, it was the first time they had openly discussed death without feeling like they were bringing the mood down or making others uncomfortable. The Death Cafe provided a rare opportunity to voice thoughts that are often silenced in polite society.

Why talking about death matters

In many cultures, death remains a taboo subject, something to be avoided in conversation. Yet avoiding the topic does not lessen its impact; rather, it can make grief more isolating and increase anxiety around mortality. The Death Cafe movement seeks to break this silence, helping people process their emotions in a friendly and supportive communal setting.

Talking about death can be an act of healing. It allows us to acknowledge our fears, share our stories, and learn from others’ perspectives. Research has shown that open discussions about death can reduce anxiety and encourage a more mindful approach to life. When we accept the reality of our mortality, we often gain a deeper appreciation for the present moment and the relationships that enrich our lives.

Furthermore, conversations about death can help individuals prepare for the inevitable. Discussing end-of-life wishes, funeral preferences, and legacy planning can ease the burden on loved ones and ensure that personal choices are honoured. While these discussions may feel uncomfortable at first, they ultimately bring clarity and peace of mind.

The role of community in grief and healing

One of the most profound aspects of the Death Cafe is its emphasis on community. Grief can be a deeply isolating experience, especially in societies where mourning is expected to be private and brief. By providing a space for people to connect and share with others, some experiencing similar circumstances, the Death Cafe fosters a sense of belonging, empathy and understanding.

Many attendees leave feeling lighter, having unburdened themselves in a space where they are truly heard. The simple act of sharing a cup of tea with someone who understands, or is in the same transitional period, can be profoundly comforting. It is a reminder that while loss is deeply personal, it is also a universal experience that connects us all.

Bringing the conversation home

While attending a Death Cafe can be a transformative experience, it is only the beginning. The challenge is to bring these conversations into our daily lives. Talking openly with family and friends about death can strengthen relationships and provide comfort long before the need arises. Encouraging children to express their questions about death can help them develop a healthier understanding of loss.

Incorporating rituals of remembrance, such as lighting candles for loved ones or sharing stories, can help keep their memory alive in a meaningful way. Cultivating an awareness of mortality can also inspire us to live with greater intention, prioritising what truly matters in our short time on earth.
The Death Cafe is not about morbidity; it is about life. It offers a space where people can find solace, support, and even laughter in the face of an often-feared topic. By normalising conversations about death, we create a more compassionate and understanding society, one where grief is acknowledged and no one has to face it alone.

My morning at the Death Cafe in Mallorca left me with a deep sense of connection—to those I met, to the memories of lost loved ones, and to life itself. I encourage anyone who has ever felt isolated in their grief or curious about exploring their thoughts on mortality to seek out a Death Cafe near them. You may find that in talking about death, you discover a new appreciation for the preciousness of life itself, which at times we can all take for granted.

Glynis German runs up to six per month in English and Spanish - in English in Son Espases and Deya, and in Spanish in Inca and Binissalem. Jaimie Brown runs a Death Café in English every 3^rd Tuesday of the month in Palmanova in English. There is also an online session - to find out more go to www.deathcafe.com. Gynis German is a celebrant offering services to celebrate all aspects of both life and death - www.glynisgermancelebrant.com.