Are pets racist? Wales' green space debate sparks controversy

How the media loved the earnest report issued by Climate Cymru BAME, advising the Welsh government to consider banning dogs from green spaces in Wales to combat racism. I hadn’t really considered whether dogs were racist or cats, for that matter, but thanks to this joyless Welsh think tank, now I know.

Funnily enough, my hens do seem quite racist, and I have often taken them to task on the matter. For instance, when I had a group of black Minorcan hens they refused to socialise with the rather pretty black and white pintadas, and the Mallorcan russet hens snootily ignored both groups. In fact, there were often very unpleasant fights between the different coloured feathered gangs. Social integration and inclusivity totally passed them by, despite my protestations. They all lapped up body positivity, self-celebration and other woke concepts but remained embarrassingly racist. That’s why, over the years and post their demise, we opted for one colour only (russet, as it transpired) and to date life in the corral has been harmonious.

Anyway, back to the snappily named Climate Cymru BAME. Having consulted with ethnic minorities, the group cited one African female who purported to feel unsafe in parks and green spaces when dogs ran around unleashed. I can understand the fear of unleashed huge XL Bully dogs but ordinary pooches being exercised by their Welsh owners. Really? Banning dogs from green spaces to combat racism seems a little bit overboard but we are talking about the current potty Welsh government (and I can say that being half Welsh). In fact, First Minister, Eluned Morgan, is delighted by the introduction of the Welsh Race Disparity Evidence Unit (RDEU), whatever that grim sounding invention is. Were George Orwell still with us, I’m sure he’d have boldly asked to borrow the term in a sequel to his seminal work.

I’m proud to say that none of my felines have shown any kind of racist tendencies though if I’m honest my Siamese and half Siamese twins are rather snobby about the plethora of black and whites and gingers we have around. In fact, thinking about it, maybe none of them are embracing inclusivity quite as much as I might like.

Hateful crimes

Poor Allison Pearson, the highly respected columnist who writes for the Telegraph (as do I) has had a horrific time at the hands of the British police. The mainstream UK media has widely reported how she was doorstepped by two policemen on Remembrance Sunday and accused of a Non-Crime Hate Incident (NCHI), which was bizarrely upgraded to a more serious potential offence, simply for posting one tweet on platform X, more than a year ago. This intrusion was highly sinister in itself but worse was the fact that neither officer would reveal what she’d actually been accused of or by whom. In fact, they underlined that they didn’t use the term ‘accuser’ but ‘victim.’ The so-called victim, it seems, simply contacted the British police to accuse the journalist of posting a tweet that could be deemed racist. Blimey, I knew the UK was going to the dogs but really, this surely has to be full-on Kafka territory. The absurdly named, NCHI, weirdly not taken straight from the tome, 1984, though it could have been, has been bandied around since 2014. The Free Speech Union estimates that about 250,000 NCHIs have been recorded by the police since that time and although not crimes in themselves, they do appear on a person’s records. This is very serious especially for those applying for jobs or voluntary work.

So how do you get hit with an NCHI in good old Blighty? Surprisingly easily, apparently. If you call someone a leprechaun or shorty (don’t laugh but this ‘offence’ was actually filed as an NCHI by Wiltshire Police in 2022) you could be getting a knock on the door by one of the UK’s thought police. If you dare to post something on social media that another user might not like or could claim that it hurt their feelings, you could receive an NCHI. Another true example of an NCHI occurred when a man reported people on a bus for giving him funny looks. Hey, don’t laugh. This is serious. You and I could be next.

Of course, the real problem is that while the British police are sitting in cosy offices, eating hobnobs and slurping tea while they voyeuristically trawl through all your rather dull posts about family holidays, new takeaways and dancing cats, real criminals are getting away scot-free. Did you know that in recent years not a single burglary was solved in half the regions of England, Scotland or Wales. Hardly surprising, is it?

Last week in London I heard heavy footsteps behind me and thinking some people were running for a bus, helpfully stepped aside to let them pass. As the two men shot across a lawn of a council estate, I realised that they were being pursued by some rather overweight cops. It was highly entertaining, especially as one of the felons effortlessly ran away while the other waited patiently for the police to arrive and cuff him. He was as cool as a cucumber and I surmised that if he’d nicked something, he’d simply passed it to his mate who’d given them all the slip. When I recounted this enthralling incident to friends in London, their eyes popped. What, I’d seen an actual bobby on the streets? Bobbies actually apprehending criminals?

As for Allison Pearson, the Free Speech Union is assisting her with barrister representation, and she has had thousands of offers of support, even from the likes of Elon Musk. I’m not sure whether the British police deemed this a fantastic way to stop free speech in Britain altogether by threatening a high-profile journalist, but I feel the ploy has fallen flat on its face. Endless mocking memes about the UK being a full police state are blowing up X and other platforms and the country’s reputation is almost in tatters. Heaven knows how Two-Tier Keir is going to extricate himself from this new mess but I for one have not a jot of sympathy. If I’ve hurt his feelings, all he has to do is send me a NCHI, and I’ll blow him a kiss or send him a photo of my cat.