THAT’S MORE LIKE IT, REAL MALLORCA

After a weekend where I read what women’s personal ads really mean – (1) 40-ish = 49, (2) Open-minded = desperate, (3) Fun = irritating, (4) Athletic = flat chested, (5) Adventurous = has slept with all your mates, (6) New Age = excessive body hair, (7) Emotionally secure = on medication – Real Mallorca won their first game of their second division campaign when they beat league leaders Alcorcon 2-1 at the Son Moix on Saturday night.
We entered this fixture on the back of three defeats and against a rising tide of supporters’ unrest. Alcorcon made their intentions clear as early as the third minute when they hit the crossbar from a free kick. This wake up call spurned Mallorca into action and in the 11th minute the islanders took the lead.
Gerard Moreno hit a speculative overhead kick which cannoned in off the far post, 1-0. That goal was the first one conceded by the visitors and their defence came under sustained pressure.
Stand-in Mallorca goalkeeper Ruben Mino made a stunning save to keep an effort from Pacheco out, then bravely dived on the rebound.
Mino’s been Aouate’s understudy for two seasons with only minimal first team appearances. The Israeli’s away on international duty and Ruben looks now to have rubber stamped his first team place. On Saturday’s showing he deserves it.
This was a much improved Real Mallorca performance; they defended like demons with our veteran captain Nunes outstanding.
The two full-backs still look a bit suspect with new signing right-back Miguel Garcia far from match fitness. He was injured after just 37 minutes and was replaced by the Japanese player Aki who hardly touched the ball. Emilio Nsue went to right back and played an absolute blinder. As half time arrived the fans were really enjoying the 1-0 lead but it still wasn’t enough as Alcorcon looked dangerous going forward.
The first signs that Mallorca’s fortunes could be on the up come in the 54th minute when we had a huge piece of luck. Alcorcon’s goalkeeper Dani Gonzalez gave us a moment of unwitting comedy when he tried to be a “sweeper-keeper” and dribble the ball out of his penalty area. Gerard Moreno was onto the ‘keeper in a flash, dispossessed him and calmly stroked in the second goal, 2-0. Gonzalez meanwhile had probably put himself on the next “Football’s Funniest Moments” DVD. Mind you, his all-white outfit didn’t help his cause, it looked like he was wearing a onesie.
With just five minutes of normal time left and, completely out of nothing, Alcorcon won a free kick just outside the area. From the resultant kick, Verdes headed past Mino, 2-1. In all honesty the young goalie was a bit slow in coming for the ball, he knew it, and was disgusted with himself.
There’s no doubting Mino was at fault for the goal but that was his only mistake all game.
It was now backs to the wall for Mallorca as Alcorcon pushed for the equaliser. As usual, the Son Moix side put their loyal fans through the anxiety wringer. This was torture for the fans then Nsue broke down the wing, crossed the ball to Moreno who somehow put his attempt over the bar. I’ve never seen 6,000 people all put their head in their hands at once ! A terrible miss but as it turned out it didn’t really matter as Mallorca held on for their first win of the season.
We’ve moved off the bottom with a gutsy performance which was a vast improvement on our first three defeats.
All last season’s relegated sides, Deportivo, Mallorca and Zaragoza, are finding it tough adapting to life in the second division. With just four games played, they’ve got 6, 3 and 2 points respectively but, as I keep saying, there’s a long, long way to go.
Our league programme continues on SUNDAY away at Hercules de Alicante. The game kicks off at 6 pm and is televised live on free to air channel LA SEXTA.
Next up for Mallorca is a Copa del Rey game TONIGHT at 9:30 pm in the Son Moix. Our opponents are none other than Alcorcon again!
One noticeable absentee from the directors box on Saturday night was chief shareholder/director of football, Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, he was said “to be on holiday”!
After the game, fans were asked their opinions on the outcome by local TV station IB3.
Kent and Mallorca Cricket Club legend Pedro Menday said it was “fantástico” and who am I to argue ? It was great to see the 6,000 fans (a poor attendance it has to be said) leave the Son Moix with a smile on their faces.
It also means that this week at least I can stop hiding behind wheelie bins when a Real Mallorca critic approaches me in the street.

And finally,
a young man was lost in a forest in China when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an old Chinese guy with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “can you put me up for the night ?”
“Of course,” the Chinese man replied, “but I have one condition, you so much as lay finger on my daughter, Lotus Blossom, I will inflict on you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.”Before dinner, Lotus Blossom came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and obviously fancied the young man.
Remembering the warning, he ignored her and went to bed alone. But during the night, he couldn’t stand it any more and he had to have his wicked way with Lotus Blossom.
He made his move, did the deed, then crept back to bed after his night of passion.
He woke up to find pressure on his chest. It was a large rock with a note that read “Chinese torture (1), large rock on chest.” The man thought that’s nothing to worry about so he picked up the rock and threw it out of the window.
As he did so, he saw another note under the rock. It read “Chinese torture (2), rock tied to left testicle.”
In a panic he looked down and saw the rope was getting close to the end. Thinking a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the rock.
As he plummeted downwards, he saw a huge sign on the ground that read “Chinese torture (3), right testicle tied to bedpost !!”