The complicated truth about tipping

It could be that this misplaced witticism has scarred me for life, but when it comes to the art of tipping someone for any service provided I am always at a loss as to what to do, or indeed what not to do. I suspect that I am not alone in my nervousness because there are numerous norms and protocols it seems depending on what service is being provided, and as importantly, what country you are in. In saying this, a woman of my acquaintance will tell anyone who might be listening that my tipping regime is based purely upon how pretty the waitress is/was - so most blokes are unlikely to get anything at all.

In France (particularly in Paris) it is said that waiting staff are so snooty that it has been known for waiters to chase diners down the road if they believe they haven’t been well enough rewarded for their efforts. However, if you have ever visited the USA you will know that a roll of dollar bills is essential, because everything - and I mean everything that is done for you in the most mundane fashion has an expected tip attached to it.

So then, as to keep myself in the clear, I have to say that in Spain - and Mallorca in particular, tipping is quite a civilised procedure. A few centimos laid beside a coffee or beer that has been enjoyed by you is usually ample reward, save only for the distressing habit that on occasions the waiter will tell you that your bank card doesn’t seem to work after you have enjoyed dining out somewhere posh… and then he tells you to try the cash machine next door. I wonder why this might be?

Nevertheless, this all fades to nothing compared to the current scandalous imposition of the so called ‘Service Charge’ which in many places post Covid has risen from 12.5% to 15% here in the UK.

By the way - who gets it? I would bet my pension it won’t be the waiting staff - so come on, should it be part of the bill proper so we the customers actually know what it is for? I suspect that this confusion is more than satisfactory for those running the place because rarely will a customer make a fuss about it, particularly if they are in a small party and don’t want to appear tight-fisted. Interestingly, it appears that next April a private members bill will be laid before parliament that will force restaurants to hand over the entirety of the service charge to staff. It might be an idea to stress that private members bills rarely pass through parliament and you wouldn’t have to be a genius to work out that pressure is bound to be exerted by those unhappy with any legislation in this direction.

Anyway, not everyone seems to have a problem with tipping in all its guises. Perhaps more of us should follow the lead of the Princess of Wales’s group of friends who allegedly dropped a £700 tip after enjoying a night out at The Houghton Festival in Norfolk? Just saying!